And even after everything is said and done, it still hurts. It hurts to hear your name and hear your voice and your cry. Visions of you crying in front of me haunt my mind.  It hurts to not have anyone to talk to about any of this. Just this one time, I really could use a hand to hold or an ear to listen, and theres tons of them out there for me, but not the ones I want.  Ive never felt numb to something like this. I have so much to stay still, but it's like I wont let myself for fear of telling you something wrong, or being right about something. "Burning whispers remind of the days I was left alone in a world so cold."  I dont feel.  Ive never had the want to run, and run, and never stop until I'm somewhere far away.  Ive never been one to run from my problems. But this one just won't go away. I dont know how to make things better.Love.    Life.  Hurt.  Love life to get hurt.   I dont know. There's about a million different thoughts that have been flowing through my mind and I cant seem to figure any of them out. Why? I dont know. Maybe I dont want to. Maybe I just cant.  I lost something. Or maybe I gave it up.  I miss a lot. I miss talks with the families. I miss the families. I miss the laughs, the smiles, the cries, the fights, the drives, walks, puppies, the naps, nemo, falling asleep on  the phone with you, car talk =), stupid arguments we end up laughing about.. I miss a lot. But I cant bring it back. And I need to accept that. I need to be strong. I need to move on, I need to let you move on.  I need a lot. I need to learn how to be patient.  I need to take my time. Im scared. So scared. Ive learned a lot from you, from us.  We grew together. You helped make me who I am now.  I thank you so much for that.  Im hurting. We're hurting.  But time will heal. It will all be okay... I promise... It will.. all be okay..

Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
And ill come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
It feels empty and alone
I can't believe you're gone

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I'm glad he set you free from sorrow
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here with me still

And what you did you did with feeling
And You always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will


And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

This is it. 

This hasn't been updated in a very long time, but I think it's time for a new entry.

I'm scared. Of a lot. My future, my past, the present. Everything. Is that normal? Should I care if it's normal or not? I don't know.

I have this friend. He's my best friend. He has been since 8th grade. Always will be. I promised him that, and I promised myself that.  It's been months since I last talked to him. For no reason. I miss him more than anybody knows. I can't even explain. I wish I knew why I was getting this punishment.

Everyone's view on life is different. But I like to think mine is pretty good in a nutshell.  I like to be positive. Negative people drain me out.

More later...

way to make me feel like crap. thank you. i appreciate it.

i cant say i miss you cause you're always around.. and i cant say i love you cause you'll cut me down. i'm wounded and hurt.. but thats my fault.. i made my decision with my back to the wall.. i gotta move on from here.

Morals- Ideas based on what is right and wrong.

I've been reading through some random xangas, and I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people just arent the same anymore. And it's alright.  People grow up and change. Some people don't realize that growing up means state of mind changes, things you agree on you may decide to disagree on.  You cant force the way you think onto other people. It's just not right. I think that if you have a problem with something or someone, you need to be mature about it and talk to that certain person or persons about it. Don't drag things on and hurt people's feelings even more. You may not know it, but sitting there and glaring at someone while having a conversation about something leads to assumtions that you're talking about that person and in the end, some major feelings are hurt and rumors are started.  I for one don't intentionally hurt people's feelings, but when you know you're doing something or saying something that is going to hurt someone, just dont do it.  Don't use your morals against someone else.  It could do a lot of damage. Think twice. Don't be petty about things.  And at the end of the day, when you look back at the decisions you made that day and you're okay with them , then you have nothing to worry about.  What's worse? Stating your opinion and accepting that not everyone thinks the same as you?  Or forcing your opinion on others so much until you lose a friend or two and really damage their feelings?  I've never heard of wanting to hurt people.  Tears are something that shouldn't be caused in a friendship. They should be wiped away by the friend, not because of them.  If you need to tell people to grow up, chances are you do too.